By Wendy
Listen, it’s been a tough holiday. What else am I supposed to do but watch a show about cheerleading and stress-shop? (The show is good by the way.) The following items are linked and rated based on how guilty I feel now that the deed is done.
- Baggu Pop Up Tent , because I need to believe I’ll sit outside this summer. The cheerleaders? They’re outside a lot, and their curls always bounce. I don’t think they’ve ever been sunburnt. Cheerleaders are so powerful. It is possible that a Dallas cheerleader doesn’t have the ability to get sunburnt. Me? Without the proper coverage, I will burn. Important to protect myself. Good purchase, 10/10.
- Aerosoles Camera Sandal, listen. I am a photographer and this has “Camera” in its name. It’s sinful I don’t have it. They’re a tall platform sandal. The DCC cheerleaders look quite tall, and I also want to look tall. 6/10, only because I caved after months of looking at it (and I still don’t know if it’s a shoe that will last)
- Life Straw Personal Water Filter, We all have different coping mechanisms my friends. I don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow, but at least I know I can drink from a dirty puddle if I suddenly find myself without running water. These cheerleaders are brave! They deal with so many delusional fans and criticism from their coaches. I want to be brave, but that will take longer than me purchasing this life straw. 9/10, you really can’t beat the confidence.
- Go Cat Teaser Toy, all of these Cheerleaders? They are on a team. They throw crazy tricks while the song “Thunderstruck” by AC/DC plays, including this jump-split-thing that seems to wreck your hips within 5 years of continuous repetition. You know who is also on a team? Me and my cat. I don’t think I need to qualify this any further. 10/10, this is my 100th purchase of refills on this toy. All cats deserve a little treat!
- Black Raffia Panama Hat, The Dallas Cheerleaders live in a state where a 10 gallon hat can be worn unironically. As a queer who wears bolo ties, and as someone whose family predominantly lives in Texas, this appeals to me. However, as a Coastal Elite? it would be borderline offensive for me to wear a ten gallon hat in public, no matter how many Miranda Lambert shows I earnestly want to see. Anyway, I’m hoping this Panama hat is my magic loophole. Maybe that’s delusional, but so is a lot of the rest of this post! 3/10 because I got it off Amazon, but LBR that’s almost the same as a Times Square gift shop.
“America’s Sweethearts: Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders” premiered on Netflix on June 20, 2024. Watch at your own (wallet) risk.